i’m awake listening to music right now. 4am on a… wednesday? eating frozen grapes in my new living room. well, same living room, just looks new, different, for the 3rd time. 3rd roommate change since february, hahahaha. that’s literally all i can do is laugh. hahahahahaha. what goes on half the time in my life? i’m not even kidding. i just started a new job, at a new bar, tonight – after almost a month of not working a night at all. where before i was working 5 nights a week, 1 – 4 days a week, 2-4 doubles a week, all the time, and BANKING. what happened? now i haven’t made any income in 3 weeks, since being under investigation for my unemployment – ALL because i caved and went on the books in january at the poho, like promised. dammnit! only to quit there 2 months later, like a crazy person! — but for shit and reasons i still believe in and stand by today. might i regret my decision slightly? yes, but only for reasons like i miss the girls i was working with, and the people in general i was working with, from all staff, almost, to many of the regulars and customers. and that is what it is, but still i did the right thing. i miss the $ and the environment at times too, like as i steadily paced among a quiet, upper-scale establishment both tonight and friday night, but still i did the right thing. this is almost the exact type of place i left the pour house for, because i wanted to be in a better, more upscale type of place. more money, but i’m still feeling that out right now. after all, it’s literally only been 2 shifts, only one of which i actually worked, for $. but i digress.
i’ve had to remind myself, several times, i want to be a writer, not a bartender, and a move to a calmer, more civilized establishment, with higher clientele, and better networking opportunities is the right move if i want to be a writer. it allows me to be able to be more focused. instead of keeping me awake til 5:30am, only to get up at 9:00am to work at the magazine all day, and then straight into work at the bar again until 3:30am — repeat. and let’s not even talk about the jameson shots i’ve come to consume on a weekly basis. among other things…
i miss the comfort in stability and routine that i had come to find at the pour house. and again, i’m still feeling it all out.
but due to my recent misfortune and debacle with the NYS department of labor, i don’t have the time or the resources to do anything but feel it out right now, unfortunately. i did, until i decided to buy a beach house for the summer, plan a road trip to tennessee for a 3-day outdoor camp-out concert, split my 3bdr apartment with my 1 roommate, for a mere $2G’s that month, and then another $1500 almost the very next. this goes back to the new living room, for the 3rd time, and the people who keep moving in and out of my house.
hahahahahaha.
what else? oh yes, the apparent pneumonia i contracted over the last 3 weeks, that was first diagnosed as bronchitis, by the dip-shit walk-in clinic physcian i had to go see, and pay for because they didn’t except the medicaid i have. similar the what he rest of he country has just been granted by law of the government. oh goodie! good luck everyone. welcome to my world, aka my healthcare hell. was hopped up on antibiotics, advil, claritan, and sudafed, as per instructed by said dip-shit , for 4 days, and migraines like i’ve never been witness to before. i wanted to rip my own eyeballs out of my head. literally. only to end up in the emergency room, back in manhattan, 6 days later, with my mother, who’s come in from staten island. 1 nurse, 2 doctors, 3 hours, and 4 more scripts later, i start my road to recovery, from now said pneumonia. steroids and albuterol pumps have saved my life. oh, and the doctors at NYU who told me to take those things. and my mother, who told me i had to go to the hospital. 
i’m feeling much better. seriously. i feel like i have a whole new outtake on life now too. to be healthy again! i never want to be unhealthy again. which probably means i should change 75% of the things that i do. and this comes back to my recent, boring move, and risky move might i add, considering my pending financials figures. i just got my tax return deposited into my account today though, i think? but i have to give them $900 of it back – fuckers. the government has really pissed me off this week.
where was i? and that comes back to the very beginning of this post. what goes on half the time in my life, and where the fuck was i?
good night. yankee game t-minus 5 hours.
(and that wasn’t even the half of it. trust me)
